Your love; it's soul captivating <3

29.7.06
cheryl sim!!! a post dedicated to you! :)

hey yang!! cher here! long time no talk/see! ((: anw i was soo shocked cos
i just sang "reach"-gloria estefan yesterday w 2 of my guys friends as the
opening theme song for anglolympics!! whooa. amazed to find it on ur blog
considering it was since 1996. :D anw do u have a love life now??! :D THE
PERFECT GUY EHH :D hahaha!

lol chers! looooong time no talk. i actually wrote you a letter during hols but it was undelivered cos i wrote ur address wrongly. gah. i shall post it to you one of these days just for the fun of it and u can laugh some at my blurness X) anyways, that gloria estefan song was one of the inspirational songs my canoe j2s compiled into a cd and gave to us before canoeing nat'ls.. i actually heard about you singing from this guy who crashed raffles asia prog yesterday!! lol. argh. i miss you lots girl!!! we HAVE to meet up when i'm done with promos in 2 mths' time. i dun care. i will squeeeeeze time out somehow. <3!

rahhh!! i miss our roams around orchard road, hilarious tennis sessions with jung (KOREAN TRANNY!!! XD), madcap aep classes, suaning paris hilton (omg. have u heard her "stars are blind" song??? can die!!).. school life used to be sooo much livelier with u around. boo. :'[

go to, then; your considerate stone.
11:36 PM
0 comments

oh man. i amaze myself. just a minute ago, i sat at the table and wondered, "is it 07 now or 06?" and i puzzled over it for about 10 seconds.

what
is
wrong
with
me
???

just some random observations..
liking someone is a very confusing thing, don't you think? you want them to notice you but you don't dare to get too close. because you're scared that they'll notice your flaws, your weaknesses. you try to leave a good impression and maintain it.
on the other hand, if they cant take your flaws, they aren't exactly worth your time. right?

go to, then; your considerate stone.
9:50 PM
0 comments

24.7.06

i miss GIDEON!!!!!!
bummerbummerbummer.
i miss ~~him~~ a lot a lot a lot.

i miss riding the waves in macritchies
i miss clapping at monkeys to shoo them away when we're running on the boardwalk
i miss jiaolian
i miss walking around barefooted in a public place
I MISS MY PADDLE!!
i miss the rj shed
i miss...

BUMMER.
i'll go crazy soon. right now i'm just holding out for wednesday, when i can go down to macr for xtreme race help-out... AND ROW AGAIN!!!!!
better not let me see gideon, otherwise i will burst to him and hijack him. X)

oh wells, in the spirit of all this gideon talk..
here's sth from elisa's blog.
(that rhymed!)

The Perfect Guy
Hair color?: anything. as long as it's not dyed. i esp cant stand asian guys who dye their hair blond.
Eye color?: anything. must be intense. and sparkling.
Height?: tall.
Six pack?: of course. it's for his own ego i guess. i mean, i be canoeist. X)
Long hair or short?: SHORT. d'oh!
Glasses?: anything.
Piercings?: one pair only, on the ears. c'est tout.
Eyebrows?: yes pls. d'oh!
Big butt or little?: normal, thanks.
Chest hair?: O.O yaiks.
Buff or skinny?: muscular. lean.
Teeth?: white.

Section 2
Funny or serious?: funny. but when it's the right occasion, be serious.
Party-hopper or more stay-at-home?: less stay-at-home would be nice, tho he shouldn't be a full-fledged party-hopper.
Should he be able to bake or cook?: yes pls.
Does he have a best friend?: uh, yah.. don't most people?
Is it okay for him to have a lot of female friends?: TTET i know he loves me to bits, sure, why not?
Out-going or shy?: definitely out-going. he has to be un-shy enough to make the first move anyways.
Sarcastic or sincere?: sincere. d'oh.
Does he love his mother?: d'oh.
Should he watch chick-flicks?: rather not. unless i decide that i need to kill some brain cells and wants him to tag along.
Would he be a smoker?: NO, NO, NO, NO, and NO.
How about a drinking?: not to the extent that he's a chronic alcoholic.
And swearing?: not in front of me.
Would he play with your hair?: considering my hair is rather short, he can't.
Would he have more than one girlfriend at a time?: NO BLOODY WAY.
Would he pay for you when you're on a date?: the answer to every economic question, "it depends."
Does he kiss on the first date?: no, i wun have it.
Where would you go for dinner?: anywhere except macs, and all other evil fastfood restaurants.
Would he buy you flowers?: yes pls. sunflowers would be nice ;)
Would he lay under the stars with you and spout random philosophies?: sure, go ahead.
Would he write poems about you?: urm. TTET he is a lit student, yes pls. otherwise, pls spare me the references to molecular bonding or what-have-yous.
Would he use endearments?: not excessively. anyways, it'll be sweet if he calls me by a nickname he's made up for me.
Would he hang out with you and YOUR friends?: d'oh. because i will not "zhong4 she4 qing1 you3"
How about you hanging out with him and HIS friends?: urm.. i guess?
Would he walk you up to the door at the end of the evening?: that'll be nice.. tho he might get slaughtered by my mum. X)
Would you hold hands?: sure, whatever. on a relatively random note, i've noticed that most pple like to hold my hand or grab my arm when we cross the road, like i'm some lil kid.. i mean, sure, i'm vertically challenged but my eyes are fully functional, thanks. :/

Section 3
Does he play soccer?: yah sure whatever
Baseball?: whatever
Football?: ditto.
Basketball?: ditto.
Water polo?: ditto. (i agree with elisa: why no canoeing! be nice if i actually understand the sport he enjoys right?)
Golf or something equally boring?: humph. i'd like to believe that the guy i like is more interesting than "something equally boring", but there's nothing wrong with golf.
Does he surf?: that'll be cool
Skateboard?: sure
Snowboard?: sure, that would be very very very cool. ;) and i mean it. XD
Can he sing?: yes pls!
Play the guitar?: that'll be nice, very nice.
Play piano?: ditto.
Play the drums?: sure, why not??
Can he keep his room clean?: hopefully.
Is he an artist of sorts?: would rather he is. any form of art, except maybe dance.. i still think it's pretty gay.
Does he write his own music?: sure, why not?
Does he have pets?: whatever, i dun mind. i don't like cats tho, a dog will be much more.. uh, manly. haha.

Section 4
Does he use the word dude?: whatever dude.
How about tight?: huh???
Would he watch the sun rise and set with you?: yes pls! :)
What kind of car does he drive?: whatever, just not those selfish two-seaters. i know they're expensive and supposedly reflect good taste but they're not for claustrophics like me.
How old is he?: my age or slightly older? i'd draw the line at more than 5 yrs tho.
What's his name?: HUH? i thot the purpose of this questionnaire is for me to describe what my perfect guy should be like? anyways, if you really have to know, it's
.
.
.
.
.
JESUS! haha. gotcha! :)

go to, then; your considerate stone.
9:54 PM
1 comments

22.7.06

Your Brain is 73% Female, 27% Male

Your brain leans femaleYou think with your heart, not your headSweet and considerate, you are a giverBut you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!

What Gender Is Your Brain?

go to, then; your considerate stone.
7:52 PM
0 comments

random: i want honey roasted peanut butter now! i want to gym now! i have been very disciplined today wrt studying! yayyy!

Some dreams live on in time forever
Those dreams, you want with all your heart
And I'll do whatever it takes
Follow through with the promise I made
Put it all on the line
What I hoped for at last would be mine

If I could reach, higher
Just for one moment touch the sky
From that one moment in my life
I'm gonna be stronger
Know that I've tried my very best
I'd put my spirit to the test
If I could reach

Some days are meant to be remembered
Those days we rise above the stars
So I'll go the distance this time
Seeing more the higher I climb
That the more I believe
All the more that this dream will be mine

If I could reach, higher
Just for one moment touch the sky
From that one moment in my life
I'm gonna be stronger
Know that I've tried my very best
I'd put my spirit to the test
If I could reach

If I could reach, higher
Just for one moment touch the sky
I'm goona be stronger
From that one moment in my life
I'm gonna be so much stronger yes I am
I've tried my very best
I'd put my spirit to the test
If I could reach
If I could, If I could
If I could reach
Reach, I'd reach, I'd reach
I'd reach' I'd reach so much higher
Be stronger

ReachGloria Estefan

go to, then; your considerate stone.
7:46 PM
0 comments

21.7.06

a loooong overdue post, edited. :) my phone's inbox is exploding, so i'm transferring some of my messages here. someone i know used to do this, and it looked pretty therapeutic so i decided to give it a try [edit] don't think i'll ever do this again, very tedious! but ok lah, i feel a bit better after that, and now i can just "delete all" and free up space for new inspiring messages! :P [/edit]anyways, these are the ones that made me smile :)

***
09/07/06
18.02 Javine: Sometimes life is hard, sometimes the truth is so hard to believe, sometimes circumstances become so large. Sometimes doubts prevail, sometimes everything's a mess, sometimes we are so confused. Sometimes we are so empty, sometimes we are so rebellious.. Well, GOD IS BIGGER THAN SOMETIMES. :)

11/07/06
Me to Amanda, Peishan, KY, Looloo (would have sent to all the J1s competing if i had their number.. but i dont know the rest well enough anyways.. haha.):Hey all the best for tmr! Don't fly off with ur boat! Godspeed :)
20.36 Looloo:... Lol. Do your best tmr! Godspeed too!
20.43 Amanda:Haha. godspeed to u too! may e lord give u e most wonderful gift to u on ur bday tmr.
21.36 Peishan:Haha all the best to you too! [:
22.38 KY:Hey thanks. I should be the one saying that to you... Do your best. May God grant you the strength and the willpower. :)
23.15 Wilson:hey. all the best for tmr yea. jiayou jiayou. will be praying for you. X)
23.23 Janell:Hey... All e best gal for Tmr!! U can do it! Oh happy birthday...
23.52 Mavis:all the best for you race :) believe in yourself, you can do it!

12/07/06
01.09 Joo Hui:Hey darling! happy 17th bdae (: hope uve rest well.. dont panic n hav a good race (: godspeed.
06.38 Sarah Hew:Hey hey, good luck good luck good luck for comp!=)
06.44 Trees:Hey yang! Happy birthday! God bless n may u continue to experience His greatness in yr life! :) <3 n all e best for comps! :) go raffles!
06.54 Teddy:Hey you canoe ppl! Good luck with your competition, and canoe like the wind ok?
07.54 Sab:Eh yang! Happy birthday! =) hmmm i don't remember if i wished you last year [i don't think i did] hehe but ANYWAY. Happy seventeenth. love from sab. =)
08.06 Kal:Yangyang! Happy happy seventeenth! Jiayou and all e best for canoeing k!
08.13 Tianni:happy birthday girl! you're soooo old now! muahaha
09.00 Gen Wong:HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETIE!!! Hope u row really quickly later n own everyone else!
10.11 Jem:Hey you (: hope tip isn't too late :p just wanted to say all the best for your competition today!
12.45 Mum:(direct translate) yang: happy birthday! how was the first race? jiayou!
19.43 Jo::) thank Siqi. She chose it!
19.49 Siqi:YAY! i knew you would like it! my brilliant idea tsk. see i know you well heh :)
20.42 Bren:Happy seventeenth! :) sorry it's so late heh. hope you had a lovely day anyhow and that this will be a nice year for you! -hugs
20.51 Yvonne:Haha.congrats! Really happy for u! Best birthday present u can get rite. :-Dtry your best to beat nj! Rest well too! Happy birthday again. Hee.-If you need to borrow any notes u missed, can always get from me. Yup. So relax and focus on your race! Hee.
21.20 Ally:Hey yang! sorry this is a tad late haha! happy birthday! XD
21.46 Janell:Wow! Im so glad for u. U r good man! Ha Ha.. Fri? Hmmm.. C if i can support u or somethin. Hee.. Good good!
22.32 Mr Chia:Happy birthday!! Wish you all e joy and happiness. 23.36 Siqian:hey dude! happy birthday!

13/07/06
18.51 Ying:hey there! Happy belated bday (: and i heard abt yday. Whoo. So all the best for tmr..go whoop their asses! :D
20.50 Joo Hui:All the best for your race tmr! rest well tonight n godspeed (:
21.34 Diane:Heyy Yangyang! ALL the BEST for your finals tmr! You'll do so well la, confirmed, being such a first rate canoeist! That is selfevident. Sleep soon, will pray for the best of conditions! Goodnight!:)
21.38 Gen Wong:Hey sweetie! All the best 4 tmr! We'll all b cheering 4 u!!
23.04 Wilson:hey yang! haha. once again, all the best tmr! will keep you in prayer :) gogogo :)

14/07/06
01.56 Yvonne:Hey hey! All the best for your race! Commit it to God and do your very best. Trust in the Lord always..isaiah26:4 take care of yourself too. :-D
06.43 Amanda:Ya no rush. so till then tink of message to write lo. yang, godspeed for today. just tink of e finish line okay. nothing more nothing less. believe in urself!//Haha yes. he will bring u to e finish line. n e whole of rj to win
06.50 Mavis:Hey, all the best for your race today. Do it for yourself and the team :) Jia you!
07.30 Sarah Tan:Hey, all the best for your canoeing finals today! (: We're all behind you! ~ 'I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength' -Phil 4:13-
08.04 Jem:Hello again! All the best for your finals today haha..good job getting there (:
14.24 Muddy:God allows life to b rocky. His challenge is not to let the rocks grind u into dust, but to polish u to become a brilliant gem.-Saty strong... Even heroes have the right to bleed. I'll never know exactly how the race went or how you feel, but forgive and trust yourself again.

17/07/06
22.37 ET: God hath not promised skies always blue Flower-strewn pathways all our live through God hath not promised sun without rain Joy without sorrow, peace without pain. God hath not promised we shall not know Toil and temptation, trouble and woe. He hath not told us we shall not bear Many a burden, many a care. But God hath promised strength for the day Rest for the labourer, Light for the way, Grace for the trials, Help from above, Unfailing sympathy, Undying love. //Yes, that was what i wanted to send you on fri night but kind of forgot oops. Haha God bless, darling. :)//:)
***
:) i had the best birthday of my life. lots of smses from people i dint expect to remember, and lots of meaningful cards, notes, presents. and 3 "happy birthday" songs, one fr the girl's team, one from the a01bs who came down to support + ky, and one from jo X) here's to the past seventeen years of fun, laughter, tears, confusion, rebelling-without-a-cause, jadedness, hope.. here's to re-commiting my life to God. :)

go to, then; your considerate stone.
6:21 PM
0 comments

17.7.06

The winners in life think constantly in terms of I can, I will, and I am. Losers, on the other hand, concentrate their waking thoughts on what they should have or would have done, or what they can't do.

It's your choice yang. :)

go to, then; your considerate stone.
6:03 PM
0 comments

16.7.06
this is #100

after 2 years, i'm finally at my 100th entry. if i were feeling my usual, i would be joking about this. but today, i dont feel like joking. it's not that i'm still drained or anything. in fact, i'm feeling more like the fighter i've always been. tho i guess the dread of having to go thru another emotional roller coaster when my mum sees my cts is hanging over my head, and i'm just biding time till i need to pick up all the little pieces of me that are going to scatter, yet again.

Oooh, life goes on, and it's only gonna make me strong
Its a fact, once you get on board say goodbye cuz you can't go back
Oooh, it's a fight, and I really wanna get it right
Where I'm at, is my life before me, got this feeling that I can't go back

i've made my choice to stick with rjcanoeing and there's no way i'm turning back. not now when i've learnt so much from the sport, the team.. integrity, fearlessness, pride and the incomparable strength you get from true friendships. there's no way my mum is going to take that away from me. no way. it's all too precious to me. it's a part of me now. to rip it from me would be far too cruel.

go to, then; your considerate stone.
11:41 PM
0 comments

i tried to post my post-nats feelings on the other blog, but.. words fail me. here's my valiant attempt:

i get to be post number 414! :) anyways, post-nats... hey yawl, .. i've got so so so many things to say to all of u and i'm kinda lost as to what i should start with. so i think i'll start off with an apology. i think i gave yawl a scare on fri with that breakdown during team talk. but that is the last time u will see me crying out of regret because i'm making a promise now, that I WILL BE BACK. i'm going to fight on. i'm rededicating my life to God, to canoeing, to the team, to everything and everyone that i hold dear. i have to admit i've let myself ...
i think if i had been with another group of people, i would have held it in, tried to pull myself together. but when i got home, and actually had some time to think about it, i realised that.. the reason why i dared to let myself go in front of u all is because i know that i can trust all
of u to pick me up. because i felt comfortable enough to finally stop pretending to have it all together all the time, to stop pretending to be strong.

i dunno. can u tell what's going thru my mind? i cant.
it's like a thousand and one feelings, regret, relief, frustration, dread.. and yet, nothing at once.

i think there's sth wrong with me right now. like there's this self-protecting mechanism that's turned itself on so that i wun go insane. now i really understand how it's possible to walk around with ur mind blank, just mindlessly doing all that ur expected to do.

i think i'm drained.

i just wanna thank God for pulling me thru this. i think i'm ok with how it turned out, will be very soon anyway. yknow, when i was out there for that final race, just rafting up with peishan and waiting for our race to start, i had this thought: God's knows the end result, He's got everything planned out, He knows what's going to happen, He knows what i'm going to feel. so i'm only there to carry out the actions, and whatever comes out of it is what God wanted me to experience and learn from. and in that case, why am i worrying? why am i shaking inside? i am not the one in control of the situation.. God is. does anyone get what i mean? but i guess the realisation came too late, i've already let myself be distracted, by the feeling of nervouseness at having to face nj (WHICH BTW IS A EFFING STUPID THING TO THINK RIGHT BEFORE UR OWN RACE. I CANT BLOODY BELIEVE MYSELF), by a million other trivial stuff. bottom line? i dint focus.

that was why i was so so so angry with myself when i came back on shore. the anger dint hit me when my race ended, i was too dazed and confused. the anger took a longer while. i basically wanted to just hit myself over and over again. because i had one chance to do shine for God and i blew it. once again because i dint put Him at the center of all things. because i was too wrapped around myself. THANK GOD FOR JAVINE, thanks for holding me up girl. <3. THANK GOD FOR THE J2s.. sarah, tracy, yogi, peishan.. i wont let you down. thanks for telling me it's ok, for reminding me that i have one more year to make it good, to make my comeback, and that the dream lives on in us..

DAMN STRAIGHT. I'M FIGHTING ON. I WILL BE BACK, JUST WATCH.

i just need this weekend to recover. thankfully i was never left alone, not even for a single minute since the end of my race, the canoobs will never understand how much it meant to me that they were there at the time when i was most vulnerable (hello? 2 breakdowns in one day is a personal record.). thank you hannah and elisa and van for that prayer in the toilet after i've called my mum. no surprises that she was the cause of my second breakdown. sometimes i dunno what she sees me as? i know she has great hopes for me to live out the life she dreams of, but that was way low, the way she threatened to pull my out from canoeing again. .. and she hasnt even seen my cts yet. joy.

anyways, i've been keeping myself so busy i feel really tired now. but busy means physically busy.. like going for post nats dinner and rubbishing around with my friends until i worked myself into a high even tho i basically wanted to just crash after h3 econs; like waking up at 6.30 this morning to go for some chinese seminar.. my minds still kinda blank tho. i dunno. it's like i'm stubbornly refusing to acknowledge my own feelings.

God. can i just leave it all to You now? let me go to sleep tonight and be able to sleep uninterrupted thruout. something i hadnt been able to do ever since june hols.

I'm DEAD BEAT.

I NEED TO RECHARGE BEFORE I'M BACK BEING GOD'S LITTLE FIGHTER, FULL FORCE.

We're getting stronger everyday,
We're getting braver in every way,
Hallelujah here we come.

We're getting stronger everyday,
Push through the rains that fall our way,
Hallelujah here we come.

We're much stronger when we're one,
Hallelujah here we come.

Oh, I love You from the depths of my heart,
And nothing here will tear us apart.
Everything's beautiful with You,
Everything's beautiful, when You invade my life.
And I'm living just to say that 'I love You'.

We're getting closer everyday,
Chasing the dreams that heaven gave,
Hallelujah here we come.

We're getting closer everyday,
Into Your arms I'm here to stay.

We're much stronger when we're one,
Hallelujah here we come.

StrongerDelirious

go to, then; your considerate stone.
1:26 AM
0 comments

9.7.06

3 more days to go.
am i prepared?

i think i am.
tho my left bicep has been acting up a lot more in the past few days. but like what mr koh said, i cant stop rowing, not now, so i should just bear with it. anyways i think my threshold for pain is very high. ~~that's why sometimes most people cant tell when i am really hurting~~.

i realised that this yr i've changed alot. i dont guard myself so much against other people anymore. i guess it's because i've found myself a really wonderful group of friends in the canoobs. i'm also less self-centered. i dun ask my parents for material stuff as much as before. i don't wish for things i cant have, most of the time i can keep myself in reality check.

but when i'm under pressure, like now, i revert back to my too independent, selfish, only-child ways..

like how i wish that i was the only one i need to worry about. like how i wish that other people wun unburden themselves on me freely without sparing a thot for me and my own problems. u need to learn to be strong for yourself! even if u cant find it in u, turn to God! He's going to be able to do more for u than i ever can alright?! i mean i really dun mind hearing others out, but pls spare me all that angsting and whining and i'll be perfectly fine with talking things thru with u.

it's not like i am oh-so-confident of myself. after i got to know my lane draws i've been really affected. and i have my own injuries too.. my left hand, my right shoulder, the perpetual pain in my right knee.. i'm hurting so much more than i let on.. because i know i need to be strong. what u said kinda, no really hurt me. i am not proud. i never thot i was a fast rower and all of that shit u said. u may have been joking, but that was really below the belt alright? u should know just as well as i do that everything i ever have belongs to God..

sigh.

but yknow what, i'll still be that friend u need. altho there's now this.. wall that's starting to build up, brick by brick with every thing u say that has the potential to.. i wun say hurt me, because u never did that until yesterday, more like affect me negatively. because i need to protect myself too right? i've got my own race to run, for God, for the team..

i'm sorry, i just feel like i will snap soon.

and it all looks pretty exaggerated in writing.

i should stop now.
GOD, please take me thru this.

go to, then; your considerate stone.
1:58 PM
0 comments

2.7.06

i wanted to go out today but my mum doesnt have the time. no mum = no money to spend that is not mine = high opportunity cost = might as well dont go out. :C
all of a sudden, i went from super muggirl to uber boredgirl.
what do uber boredgirls do?

they photoshoped
they read books
they read anything that has words on it
they watched 'beautiful minds' (i think that's what it's called) on channelnewsasia
they did lame quizzes online.

here be the fruits of my labour:

Your Aura is Orange

Your Personality: A total daredevil, you'll try any thrill. You're easily bored and you prefer to be on the go.

You in Love: You see love as an adventure, and you find most men dull. You need a man who challenges you!

Your Career: Your ideal job is flexible, fun, and maybe a little dangerous. You have the makings of a private investigator or extreme athlete.

What Color Is Your Aura?

omg. somebody save me. there's nothing to do now i cant even watch brainless tv to kill my brain cells since mum is giving tuition in the living room.

X[

go to, then; your considerate stone.
9:37 PM
0 comments

Et toutes mes peines

Child of God. 12^th July 1989. RjcanYeist! 1/2 of Pundits of Pun. TIME Person of the Year 2006 ;) Orange! B&J's Chunky Monkey! Dark chocolates! Sleeping in on rainy days! Attention span of 600 goldfishes.

Trouveront l'oubli

Quand je trouverais l'amour

Untitled: Made this myself, with help from lj.com/fd, which in my humble opinion, remains forever awesome (again, my economics lecturer withers right down to his vegetarian roots). Oh and brushes <3.

Un jour ou l'autre

Q Abby
Q Annalyn
Q Bernice
Q CheR
Q E.T.
Q Sophia
Q Trees
I Java
I Joo
I Shawna
I Soolin
C the Mahsters
C theonlinecitizen
C Drawn.ca
C Advertising/design goodness
C Adverbox
C Ogilvy
C Kayaksport.net
C Guster
C Bicultural Trip 06 Photos

Dust

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.5 License.